January 3, 2004So im inlove with this girl.. i have been for MONTHHSSS now.. and the other night i leave her a drunken message telling her i love her with all my heart and soul blahblahblah yanno.. the normal drunken i love you message..
.. next day im talking to her online.. and we start to talk about the message and my feelings for her.. it turns to be pretty ****ed up..
Matt (5:33:17 PM): hi
Dionna (5:33:24 PM): i dont think i want to see you for a while
Matt (5:33:31 PM): i figured as much
Matt (5:33:43 PM): wtf did i say though
Dionna (5:34:08 PM): that you love me with all your heart and soul and that you just needed to tell me becasue it was killinng you not to
Matt (5:34:23 PM): ah
Dionna (5:35:06 PM): i was flattered yes...but scared as hell to know that you feel like that toward me. I really dont know what else to do about it besides not see you for a while
Matt (5:35:50 PM): why scared?
Dionna (5:36:29 PM): because now i know why you look at me like you do and when you hug me now i know why you dont just let go
Matt (5:37:13 PM): i dont wana come off as scary/creepy
Dionna (5:37:50 PM): its not scary creepy...its just weird...i dont think of you like that and i dont think its cool for us to be so close when you feel like that.
Matt (5:38:13 PM): :\
Dionna (5:38:43 PM): i dont want to hurt your feelings...
Matt (5:40:17 PM): haha.. Dionna.. theres already been alot of heartache
Dionna (5:41:02 PM): axactly...thats why i dont think that we should hang out all the time
Dionna (5:41:18 PM): your bringing back donald flash backs and thats not cool
Matt (5:41:26 PM): donald flashbacks?
Dionna (5:42:13 PM): yah...i was really good friends with donald and the only reason that i ended up dating him was because i didnt want to loose my friendship with him because he had such strong feelings for me.
Dionna (5:42:53 PM): I just wanted to be his friend and he kept getting in moods like you do and kept being wierd about everything. He acted prtective like you do and everything...and i cant handle that agian
Dionna (5:42:55 PM): so....
Matt (5:43:44 PM): i tried to let it all be ... but soon as i saw you again it just all came back
Matt (5:46:13 PM): i really try not to do what i do
Dionna (5:47:01 PM): well it pisses me off when you give other people dirty looks and get all ****ty when i talk when i talk about people that you dont like....thats not cool
Dionna (5:47:11 PM): i dont like danielle and i dont act stupid about that
Matt (5:47:29 PM): i havent talked to her in like 2 weeks or more
Matt (5:47:39 PM): she`s stupid
Dionna (5:49:29 PM): i`m not going to comment on that one
Matt (5:49:32 PM): lol
Matt (5:51:33 PM): im really sorry i just wish things havent gone like they did
Dionna (5:52:11 PM): its all good you cant help the wya you feel and i dont know what to do about it...so...
Matt (5:52:54 PM): i dont know what to do about it either.. all ****in confusing as hell for me ..
Dionna (5:53:22 PM): just dont worry about it...hopefully if i dont hang out with you and we dont tlak for a while...maybe it will just go away
Matt (5:53:38 PM): im doubting it
Matt (5:54:23 PM): i didnt see you for a while and it just came back when i finnaly did
Dionna (5:55:44 PM): well maybe you should just find a girlfriend...either that or i shouldnt hang out with you unless i`m with my significant other
Matt (5:55:56 PM): me find a girlfriend
Matt (5:55:58 PM): thats a good one
Dionna (5:56:18 PM): you can if you try
Dionna (5:56:27 PM): you just have to be more outgoing
Matt (5:56:36 PM): i have tried
Matt (5:56:45 PM): and all ive done is lost
Dionna (5:57:21 PM): maybe you should just not let your feelings get involved when you start liking someone...cause your scaring them away...
Matt (5:59:55 PM): i didnt mean for me to feel this way about you.. it all just happend and i tried to kill the feelings but i couldnt... it was all sheer accident... i dont want to scare you away... thats the last thing i want to do.... i just got to the point where i couldnt help it.. and i couldnt controll them.. im sorry i really am if i could change it all i would. its just not that easy
Dionna (6:01:17 PM): i know...but i cnat be around you when you act like that towards me...if i`m with someone else...its fine...but i dont want you to give them dirty looks
Dionna (6:01:59 PM): like how you wont go to erics shop anymore...
Dionna (6:02:03 PM): its becaseu of jake...
Dionna (6:02:06 PM): because*
Matt (6:02:23 PM): i just dont want to get all pissed off
Dionna (6:02:40 PM): well if you dont face it its not going to go away
Dionna (6:03:16 PM): its ok i think tony dumped me finally
Dionna (6:03:30 PM): i was calling him on daves cell and now dave wont answer my calls
Dionna (6:03:36 PM): and both phones have been changed
Dionna (6:03:45 PM): they dont say disconnected...they say changed
Dionna (6:03:48 PM): so...
Matt (6:03:49 PM): thats just the major thing that would put me in bad moods
Dionna (6:03:50 PM): i dunno
Dionna (6:03:51 PM): oh well
Dionna (6:04:08 PM): and jake is avoiding me because i think he started having feelings and he cant do that.
Dionna (6:04:09 PM): so...
Dionna (6:04:12 PM): i`m alone
Matt (6:04:22 PM): welcome to the club
Matt (6:04:35 PM): heres a pin have a beer
Dionna (6:04:41 PM): i really dont care if i`m alone...
Dionna (6:04:53 PM): its kinda nice becaseu now i can flirt and no one can say anything
Dionna (6:05:10 PM): its not like i never stopped flirting becasue i had a man but...thats just me
Dionna (6:05:55 PM): Alex wants to hang out tonight and i`m not sure if i want to come down there now because he wanted to go to your house.....but i want to see him before he leaves.
Dionna (6:06:01 PM): he likes me too huh?
Matt (6:06:07 PM): i dont know
Dionna (6:06:16 PM): it seems like it
Matt (6:06:19 PM): yeah
Matt (6:07:21 PM): oh and sorry i wasnt in a good mood yesterday morning
Matt (6:07:31 PM): mid-day
Matt (6:07:35 PM): whatever time it was
Dionna (6:08:09 PM): i dont care...i desided to listen to my messages while taking a **** so i would get mad
Dionna (6:08:10 PM): lol
Matt (6:08:23 PM): lol
Matt (6:12:46 PM): well fawk
Dionna (6:15:14 PM): yah I dont know what to tell alex
Dionna (6:15:24 PM): i`d love to hang out with him but i dont know now...
Dionna (6:15:33 PM): its gonna be weird for me
Matt (6:18:21 PM): sorry
Dionna (6:18:41 PM): i jsut dont want him to get mad becasue of it
Dionna (6:18:52 PM): i think he`ll understand
Dionna (6:20:52 PM): ok i`m getting offline...bye Matt
Matt (6:20:57 PM): bye..
Well.. i dont know what to ****ing do.. i actually got to see her last night.. and i got a hug too.. i love this girl to death.. id kill for her.. do anything i could for her.. but she just doesnt get how much i care for her.. can someone give me some words of wisdom? and i dont want to hear the you will get over it crap because ive heard it to much already..